Single Parent Appreciation on Mother's Day

So I was talking to my sister several states away and she was telling me about some of her Mother's Day plans, doing stuff that's good for her (which I applaud) and she said, "So, what are you doing?"

"Me? I'm likely hanging at home with the kids, mothering. What day is it even on?"

Now, don't think I'm complaining about my sister—I'm all for her having fun. She works hard with her kids (homeschooling) and does a jillion other things besides. She totally earns her fun. And, while I'm a single mother, I have a good salary and a job that is very flexible so that I can take care of them without serious hardship.

But it got me to thinking. Because it's different for single mothers, especially those with younger children you can't just leave the kids hanging around the house while you get your nails done. That's not anyone's fault, but, having spent some years being part of a pair of parents and some years being a single mother, the difference is easy to forget (I didn't think about it when I was married). And it's always a good time to remember.

So, that's what this is, a reminder for those of us who do have someone to share the burden with and even those, like me, that have it relatively cushy: single parents have it rough.

There are few jobs more thankless than being a parent. When she has a partner, he (or she) might appreciate what she does. Someday (probably far in the future) her kids might, as well. But, for single parents (and I include both mothers and fathers since they both have to do double duty) now, it's all hustle and bustle and jostling and rearranging priorities as challenges come her way and often she, herself, is perpetually at the bottom of the list.

When one is a single parent, there's no one else to load the dishwasher or clean up the cat puke or fold the laundry or run to the store. And, if she has to do the latter, she has to take the kids with her if she can't do it while they're in school. If one of her kids is sick, there's no one to take care of the other ones. Or if she is. She's a living breathing single point failure waiting to happen and no one knows it more than she does. When my son was in the hospital, I was in a world of hurt dragging friends in to help so someone could watch my daughter while my son was in the ER. And then the hospital.

Scary doesn't even begin to describe it.

A single parent is on duty or on call 24/7 and for many of you working minimum wage or with crazy shuffling hours, my heart truly bleeds for you. I literally can't imagine how you do it because it's all I can manage and I have it easy.

So, what's my point? First to say, thank you guys, for all of you single parents doing your damnedest with half the resources you need. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for those things you just can't do.

But, secondly, to those of you who *aren't* single parents but know someone who is, whether it looks like a struggle or not, this is a great time to help them out (actually any time is). Doesn't have to be money or expensive. Flowers are nice, candy, a card. By all means. But, if you really want to give her (or him) something that won't cost you much but will be more precious than you can imagine, donate the thing they need most. TIME.

Want to take her to get her nails done? Have your teenage niece watch the kids or stay and let her have the afternoon to herself.

Get her a massage and watch the kids while she's gone. Send her to the movies. Let her take a damn nap. Give her a few hours uninterrupted.

Take her kids to the zoo. Wear 'em out while she does her taxes or reads a novel or sits by the pool without kids around.

For those of you who have generally had someone else around to help (or never had kids) you literally can't imagine what a boon that is, what it means, what it's worth. Date night is often important for married couples—they need that alone time—we forget single parents need it, too.

If time is in short supply, drop by with a dinner she doesn't have to cook. Swing by for a half hour of adult conversation she hasn't had. Tell her what a good job she's doing.

Because, chances are, she often has a hard time believing it. Too many of us only see our flaws, especially when there's no one to point out our strengths.

So, this mother's day, if you know someone struggling alone, take a minute to remind them. And, hey, why not make it a habit all year round?

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Mother's Day

So, for Mother's Day, I received flowers from both husband and daughter and was taken to a movie: Ironman 2.

Guess who's idea the latter was (note that I have no teenage boys in my immediate life unless you count my husband)? But it's OK. For an action film (which I tend to enjoy), it was uber-geeky and I'm a geeky kind of gal. Actually, I enjoyed it quite well. Actually, just the sequence of donning the suit from a "briefcase" (which was far too light for the purpose) was just about worth the price of the ticket but I have to admit to geeking out over the over-the-top holographic hijinks in his much misused lab, the woman kicking a dozen butts to take out the bad guy (loved it!), the general insanity of Stark (which I've seen first hand in another individual), and some pretty cool robotic butt kicking.

If I found the villains less than impressive. And I also know that software and control systems for such suits are 30X times more challenging than a power source (and a power source like that one has like a jillion different uses), especially if they're going to be drones.

Ah well, must remember that it's comic book physics and, hey, I liked it anyway.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there.

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What I GOT for Mother's Day

Well, folks, a week ago I put up a post to describe what I wanted for Mother's Day. Want to see what I got today as a belated present?

That's right, two beautiful little black manx kittens, Moxie and Foxy. Aren't they gorgeous little girls? Looks like I'm Friday Cat Blogging just like Bookishgal. Sweet!

There are two sisters and, actually, their story is pretty interesting. As many of you know, Hurricane Ike came through last September and flooded some areas only a few miles from here. Some have bounced back, but some are still empty and messed up. Well, in February, someone found two mother cats with their litters trapped inside a wall in one of these houses. Truly, if they had not been found, they might not have survived. Any way, these two mother cats, one a domestic longhair and one a manx tortoiseshell, fed each others babies indiscriminately and that continued even after they were rescued.
(You can find this story and more pictures on Aviva's adoption page on petfinder.com. Even after both litters were weaned, when a litter of six more kittens were brought in motherless, she nursed them, too.)

Anyway, I have two of her remarkable litter. Now, it's generally a bad idea for manx cats to breed other manx'. The manx gene is dominant, however, two manx genes and the kitten is not viable. So, most manx litters are a mix of tailed and untailed kittens. She had six kittens and at least four are manx (not sure about the other two; they're already adopted). There's a little ginger boy who's a stumpie. Another tortoiseshell with an odd minitail (not exactly a stump, but not a normal tail either), and my two babies are also stumpies.

You also need to make sure they're over a certain age before adopting a manx, especially a rumpy. If their spines are just a little too short, they can have a moderate to fatal nerve disorder that can make them walk funny, stop walking and also have continence problems. Or, more commonly, leave them dead. I had a five week old kitten lost that way. Devastating.

These kittens, however, are about three months old so, if they had a problem, it should have manifested by now. Whoopee! Manx cats have unusually long legs, almost like rabbit legs in the back, to make up for the lack of balance from the missing tail. They're exceptional jumpers and run, in some ways, like rabbits. But put your money on the manx if they get in a fight. My kittens' back legs are so long they bow in a little until the front legs grow out a bit more; on the other hand, for three month babies, they're unusually graceful. Teehee!

This is Foxy. She's kind of quiet and shy, calm, happy to play with her sister, but a little more leery of people. But she'll snuggle up if she's sleepy. She's the smaller of the two.


This is Moxy. She's intrepid, always exploring, seeing what's what. So far, she hasn't want to sit for nothin'. Too much to do.

I'm a very happy mama and they both seem comfortable around the babies, Alex and Roxy.

As for the kids, I don't know. What do you think Roxy thinks?

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What I Want for Mother's Day

See, I told Lee something already (and, no, I won't get that either, not anywhere near Mother's Day if at all, but I'm going to Star Trek with my mother-in-law so I will be covered). But what I really want, it's undoubtedly a bad idea get.

And, to be honest, I've been pretty sure for some time that he never reads my blog(s) and what I want and shouldn't have is really bothering me far more than I ever dreamed it would. Who knew?

What I'd really like is...

a kitten.


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

We have a baby and some more reconstruction to do and, though everyone loves the kittens, Lee loses interest with them when they become cats and he's the one home with them. I know they're trouble and underfoot and everything...but...

My Bete died unexpectedly. One of the first things I did when I left my first husband is get a cat. He was allergic. But I missed and wanted a cat and I've had cat or cats ever since. Nothing wrong with dogs, mind you, but they don't purr or belong on your lap.

Preferably, I'd get a female stray (especially a manx) or a female cat from a shelter...but Lee doesn't want another one right now. And I understand the reasoning.

I just want one anyway.

I miss my Bete.

Fortunately, Lee will never read this.

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