Saturday Quotathon: Mental Aberrations

Sometimes the world seems a little crazier than others. Let's see if I have any quotes that work with mental, um, weirdnesses...

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
- Johann von Goethe

Sir, you pride yourself on an ability in which any ignorant barbarian is your equal and any jackass immeasurably your superior.
- John Randolph


He was so narrow minded, he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
- Molly Ivins

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
- Groucho Marx

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.
- Alexander Woollcott

He was one of the nicest old ladies I ever met.- William Faulkner

You had to stand in line to hate him.
- Hedda Hopper

He's the only guy I know whom Dale Carnegie would hit in the mouth.
- Bill Veeck

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
- Fred Allen

You can always tell when he's lying - his lips move.
- Frankie Howard on Richard M. Nixon

Statistics indicate that as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses.
- Ira Wallach

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
- Joan Rivers

He had delusions of adequacy.
-Walter Kerr

I feel so miserable without you ; it's almost like having you here.
-Stephen Bishop

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.
-John Bright

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
-Robert Redford

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
-Forrest Tucker

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
-Mark Twain

I wish I could drink like a lady,
I'll have one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table,
Four and I'm under the host.
-Dorothy Parker

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
--Michael Pritchard

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Hocus Pocus

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
~Eleanor Roosevelt

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
--Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"

Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.
- Meg Chittenden

If fear alters behavior, you're already defeated.
- Brenda Hammond

A wise man fights to win, but he is twice a fool who has no plan for possible defeat.
- Louis L'Amour, 1908 - 1988

Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad.
--Diogenes the Cynic

A man has only one escape from his old self — to see a different self in the mirror of some woman's eyes.
-Clare Booth Luce

Don't leave the planet to the stupid.
-Slogan for Solon AG (a solar engineering company)

I have the most ill-regulated memory. It does those things which it ought not to do and leaves undone the things it ought to have done. But it has not yet gone on strike altogether.
-Dorothy Sayers

That ought to do it.