Saturday Quote-a-thon: Marriage and Relationships

Since my catoverse is good, I thought I'd bring up quotes today on marriage and relationships because, hey, I'm happily married so the topic doesn't depress me. Also, Lola asked for "how we met" stories and I'm not quite comfortable with that story...So, here's my substitute.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
--Doug Larsen

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
- Helen Rowland

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffer-ring.
- Emo Phillips

My wife has a slight speech impediment. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jack Durante

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
- Woody Allen

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
- Rita Rudner

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
- Patrick Murray

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
- Lewis Grizzard

I married beneath me. All women do.
- Lady Nancy Astor

Damn it, sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure.
- Oscar Wilde

Lady Astor: If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee.
Churchill: If I were married to you, I’d drink it.

Statement made by Representative Dick Armey, who when asked if he had been in President Clinton's place, would he have resigned: "If I were in the President's place I would not have gotten a chance to resign. I would be laying in a pool of my own blood, hearing Mrs. Armey standing over me saying, "How do I reload this damn thing?””

"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects" -- Les Dawson

One expresses well the love he does not feel.
-- J.A. Karr