>> Saturday, January 14, 2012
If you're someone who frequents any one of my three blogs, you've probably noticed that I have not been a good blogger the past few months.
Truth is, I'm still struggling with some things, perhaps more than I should. I tend to have a good head in a crisis and I've been somewhat self-congratulatory that, with the dissolution of the life and future I thought I'd had, I hadn't been more broken up or shut down emotionally. Despite the rather drastic changes, the easy way my soon-to-be ex-husband brushes off our life together, I've been handling the practical aspects and the paperwork because, hey, I'm always responsible for those. For Lee, divorce was instantaneous and painless. Still, I was managing. I thought, "Damn, I'm handling this pretty well."
Well, the practical, handle-the-details coolheadedness I needed to do what needed to be done seems to be wearing off, and the reality of the situation is making me a bit less than practical at the moment. Lee said Friday, "Get over it already," and I realized, I hadn't gotten over it at all, that the past decade of romance I tried so valiantly to believe in was largely in my own mind, as ephemeral as anything I put on paper. And I haven't really let that sink in.
Pathetic. Humiliating. Meaning I'm not, I fear, good company at all.
So, folks, I'm afraid you'll have to bear with me a bit longer until I'm a little bit less basket-case-ish and have come to grips with what my life has become. Hopefully, I'll show up with a good topic, something less pitiful.