Saturday Quotations: Antipathy

I have a number of quotes that seem to involve not being too enamored with other people, whether in general or individually. Since most of them are humorous, I thought that would be a nice quote-a-thon.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with a lot of pleasure.
--Clarence Darrow

Never appeal to a man's 'better nature.' He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
--Robert Heinlein

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
--Ed Howe

He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
--Samuel Johnson

Hanging one scoundrel, it appears, does not deter the next. Well, what of it? The first one is at least disposed of.
--H.L. Mencken

I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.
--Wilson Mizner

I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.
--Sean Morey

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
--Emo Phillips

I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion.
--Robert Louis Stevenson

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.
--Henry David Thoreau

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
--Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
--Mark Twain

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
--Oscar Wilde

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" exclaimed the man. "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty of them."

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.
-- August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
-- Kurt Vonnegut

If no one is pissed-off with you then you are dead but just haven't figured it out yet.
-- Tom Peters

If you cannot annoy somebody, there is little point in writing.
-- Kingsley Amis

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
-- James Agate

Ridicule is the first and last argument of fools.
-- Charles Simmons

Did Stanton say I was a damned fool? Then I dare say I must be one, for Stanton is generally right and he always says what he means.
-Abraham Lincoln

Shigure: We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call ‘misdirected rage.' I believe the technical term is 'being an ass.'
-From Fruits Basket anime

Hirohatsu: Do that again and they'll be tracing you with chalk.
-From Fruits Basket manga?

Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: "Heinous bitch" is the term used most often. You might want to work on that.
-From 10 Things I Hate About You

Josh Lucas: If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't 90% selfish I'd die of shock.
Cher Horowitz: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.
-From Clueless

Vance: [grabs Hitch by the wrist] You see what I'm doing? This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.
Alex Hitch Hitchens: Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?
Vance: Oh, yeah.
Alex Hitch Hitchens: Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this... [he reverses the grip, twists Vance's arm back and slams him on the table]
Alex Hitch Hitchens: This is more like me saying that I will literally *break your shit off* if you ever touch me again. Okay, pumpkin?
-From Hitch

Memo to me, memo to me: maim you after my meeting.
-From Hercules

Fletch: Can't keep me here, chief.
Chief Karlin: Maybe I'm not going to keep you here. Maybe I'm going to blow your brains out.
Fletch: Well, now, I'm no lawyer, but... I do believe that's a violation of my rights.
-From Fletch

I found one day in school a boy of medium size ill-treating a smaller boy. I expostulated, but he replied: 'The bigs hit me, so I hit the babies; that's fair.' In these words he epitomized the history of the human race.
- Education and the Social Order by Bertrand Russell