The Remarkable Sally Ride

I'm not a big one for memorial blogs. Great people die every day, often unnoticed by everyone who wasn't close to them. Famous people do, too.

Everyone once in a while, someone dies who is both great and famous. Sally Ride was famous to many people because she was the first woman the US sent into space (not the first woman in space - Russia had us beat by a couple of decades), the youngest to go into space and, for those who care about such things, the first lesbian in space (someone's sexual orientation, to me, is not important, but I can understand her being an inspiration to many for that reason).

For me, those are trivia question answers, not why someone is "great". She was a good and dedicated scientist, an accomplished astronaut who went on to teach and make a difference in the world of science and space long after she stopped being an astronaut. And that's good.

But, to me, she was great because of how she cared about space and science, how she dedicated so much of her life to sharing that love with children. To me, she was great because she understood what was really important and stood up for those who were worried about safety when everyone else was on gung-ho fast forward. She brought that sense of practicality and understanding of priorities to everything she did, which was why she was so popular on studies and reviews in her lifetime.

To me, she wasn't great because she was an astronaut. She was an astronaut because she was great. She spent all her life trying to make the world better than it was when she came in, mostly in a quiet but profound way.

She will be missed.

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Saturday Quotathon: Women?

Since last week, I didn't have many quotes except by women, I thought I'd go looking for quotes about women. Let me make a suggestion: Don't go looking at Wikiquote unless you're misogynistic. The collection they have is stomach-turning.

The way women are viewed and have been viewed [by men] through the ages is more than a little sickening, at least for me. I knew there was better stuff out there, so I kept searching. Truth is, it wasn't that easy to find. I found tons and tons of quotes by women about women, but I wanted to find some things that men had to say that weren't focused on our appearances or presuming we were deceitful, or just toys for men.

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
-Stanley Baldwin

Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not been able to answer... the great question that has never been answered: what does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert Heinlein

There is no occasion for women to consider themselves subordinate or inferior to men.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
-George Carlin

The best judge of whether or not a country is going to develop is how it treats its women. If it's educating its girls, if women have equal rights, that country is going to move forward. But if women are oppressed and abused and illiterate, then they're going to fall behind.
-Barack Obama

A woman who makes you feel good about yourself is never homely. After a while, you realize she always was beautiful. You just didn't notice it at first.
-Robert Heinlein

I have seen too much not to know that the impression of a woman may be more valuable than the conclusion of an analytical reasoner.
-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.
-Washington Irving

For I cannot think that GOD Almighty ever made them [women] so delicate, so glorious creatures; and furnished them with such charms, so agreeable and so delightful to mankind; with souls capable of the same accomplishments with men: and all, to be only Stewards of our Houses, Cooks, and Slaves.
-Daniel Defoe

This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths. Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women's equal rights across the world for centuries. At its most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities.... The truth is that male religious leaders have had -- and still have -- an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter.
-Jimmy Carter

There are two kinds of spiritual law, two kinds of conscience, one in man and another, altogether different, in woman. They do not understand each other; but in practical life the woman is judged by man's law, as though she were not a woman but a man.
-Henrik Ibsen

What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.
-Geoffrey Chaucer

I am not accustomed to the language of eulogy. I have never studied the art of paying compliments to women. But I must say, that if all that has been said by orators and poets since the creation of the world in praise of women were applied to the women of America, it would not do them justice.
-Abraham Lincoln

So, it isn't all bad.

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Saturday Quotathon: Women

The view of women has often been focused on the physical or superficialities. Today, I'm look for quotes by women or about women that see beyond that.

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
--Mae West

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.
--Anna Freud

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
--Faith Whittlesey

Intimacy is being seen and known as the person you truly are.
-- Amy Bloom

If you are never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.
- Julia Sorel

Speak the truth in a million voices. It is silence that kills.
- Catherine of Siena, 1347 - 1380

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
-- Lily Tomlin

Instead of comparing our lot with that of those who are more fortunate than we are, we should compare it with the lot of the great majority of our fellow men. It then appears that we are among the privileged.
--Helen Keller, 1880 - 1968

No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.
--Helen Keller, 1880 - 1968

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.
-Amy Carmichael

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
-Mother Theresa

Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force.
-Dorothy Sayers “Clouds of Witness”

She has a sense of humor... and brains... life wouldn't be dull. One would wake up, and there would be a whole day full of jolly things to do. And then we would come home and go to bed... and that would be jolly too.
-Dorothy Sayers “Strong Poison”

The great advantage about telling the truth is that nobody ever believes it.
-Dorothy Sayers

As I grow older and older
And totter toward the tomb
I find that I care less and less
Who goes to bed with whom
-Dorothy Sayers

Somehow or other, and with the best of intentions, we have shown the world the typical Christian in the likeness of a crashing and rather ill-natured bore—and this in the name of one who assuredly never bored a soul in those thirty-three years during which he passed through the world like a flame.
-Dorothy Sayers

I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
-Dorothy Parker

The whole duty of man consists in being reasonable and just ... I am reasonable because I know the difference between understanding and not understanding and I am just because I have no opinion about things I don’t understand.
- Gertrude Stein

The strongest natures, when they are influenced, submit the most unreservedly; it is perhaps a sign of their strength.
- Virginia Woolf

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
- Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Our earth is round, and, among other things, that means that you and I can hold completely different points of view and both be right. The difference of our positions will show stars in your window I cannot even imagine. Your sky may burn with light, while mine, at the same moment, spreads beautiful to darkness. Still we must choose how we separately corner the circling universe of our experience. Once chosen, our cornering will determine the message of any star and darkness we encounter.
-June Jordan

No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks.
-Mary Wollstonecraft

Looks like quotes "about" women may have to wait. Of course, I'm going to have to get more. Most of the quotes I've found "about" women are somewhat, well, I'll need more.

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Thoughts on Women

Stereotyping alert. I'm going to make some broad generalizations; try to bear with me.

I've read in the past that women aren't as happy as they used to be and I think it might be right. But the reasoning I've seen on why they think it's so doesn't ring quite right. I've read two articles recently here and here, both opinion pieces, and I don't think those opinions are without merit, but, I'm sorry, they both boil down to me largely to "men still don't treat us as equals." While I'm sure there are still aspects of that out there, I think we should be a little leery of assuming the finger of blame should just be pointed outward. Since there are plenty of people willing to blame men, let me list a few things I think women do to undermine their own happiness - myself included.

Actually, it's one thing. We took on all the responsibility and thinking of the "traditional" male role without giving up our old responsibilities. We want it ALL.

We want the same jobs at the same pay.
We want to be in charge.
We want to have a family.
We want to raise children.
We know these take time and effort 24/7.
We expect to keep our houses in order.
We want to look good for our spouses.
We want to look good for our other friends.
We need to stay in shape.
We know the importance of "me" time and so we need that too, often taking on dozens of hobbies (OK, maybe that's just me).
We want a social network for when we need friends, which means clubs, churches or just close friends.
We want to keep our options open, so we're often doing something we want to do instead of what we're doing OR pursuing higher education.
Did I mention we were raising a family?

Now, not to be too stereotypical, but I think I have to give the edge to men on smarts in this instance. Why? Name (to yourself) all the someones you know personally who are trying to do everything (or nearly everything) on this list, including yourself as applicable. Now, how many (if any of them) are male. Now, how many are trying to be THE BEST at everything on this list? Yeah, I thought so.

And that's pretty smart because you can't do everything and be the best. I suspect, long long ago, men and women realized that doing it all was too much for anyone, so they divvied things up. Since men won the arm-wrestling match, they took the easier tasks, running around looking for food and occasionally trying to kill other men. Women were generally left with the tasks of making whatever they caught palatable and raising children.

When women, millenia later, woke up to the notion that they didn't have to be limited to cleaning house and raising children, that they could do other things if they wanted to, that was a good thing (as was the ancillary notion that fathers could contribute more to family life than sperm and financial support). Men, who once might once have worked 80 plus hours a week to stay ahead of the pack started taking paternity leave and sickdays to care for sick kids (and, yes, I've seen it quite a bit). Many started cooking or doing laundry, but they did it realizing that 80 hours a week wasn't a good plan. They no longer demanded it all of themselves and were happy with a comfortable modicum at home (that they were happy with - not necessarily wives) and work. And they found that they could still bring home good salaries or, with the wife working, could live at least as well as before. And, despite a few exceptions, most men are much more comfortable looking like themselves than some idealized version of themselves (and good for them). Personally, I think that's a very healthy response to the roles women demanded and I'm pleased I'm living with today's men and not those from several generations back.

But, for many women, they haven't let go the notion of being Scheherazade, June Cleaver, Oprah and Gertrude Stein. They want to be the BEST mother and the sexiest woman and the best [insert career choice here] and, and... When I talk with men, some of definitely juggling things, but it will be a crush of business travel or working things without disrupting their marathon training schedule or some short term event. With women, on-line and in real life, conversation seems to be an endless litany of things they have to get DONE so they can do more. We want to be beautiful so we spend endless billions on makeup and impractical shoes and pantyhose, and fashion and jewelry and cosmetic surgery and diet regimes. I just saw a commercial for a drug to grow EYELASHES that can permanently muddy your eye color and damage your eyes. WTF? We want to be good parents so we commit to letting our children do every activity imaginable (so we don't feel guilty for the hours we're at work). We want it all and want to do it all fabulously.

Can't do it all, of course. Nothing wrong with being a mother and housewife, but it WAS a full time job and we shouldn't expect that we can still do all that and everything else we've taken on without some of the quality falling a bit.

Basically, we need to pick and choose and/or expect the overall caliber to drop a bit. And, folks, we're going to have to give ourselves a break before we can expect anyone else to.

At least, that's my opinion.

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